Withdraw?

The day after the social worker came I recieved a phone call that was very hard for me.  Rob and I are trying to go through a bankruptcy as a last resort to save our home and get back up on our feet again so we can have a family.  One of the things you have to be able to do is be able to finacially support children in the home, of course.  There are so many people that have children who finacially in no way can take care of them.  We are trying to do all we can so that there is in no way a finacial problem while having children in our home.

I was so worried that my past was going to be the reason why we couldn't adopt, or that it was going to be what would take longer to do so.  The social worker told us we needed to withdraw our application till the bankruptcy was finished so that it would not be an issue.  I fully inderstand this, yet it was so difficult to hear the words withdraw.  It was like a knife being stbbed into my heart several times.  All I could see was this was going to be the reason we could not have children.  Just as I got off the phone with the social worker I broke down in tears.  All this work all the time and effort, hopes, dreams, excitement and anguish smashed with one word "WITHDRAW".  As all of this rushed through me my sweet wonderful Rob walked through the door.  He got off work early and came home.  When I asked him why, he said "I felt I needed to come home".  I am so grateful that he listens to the Spirit.

After crying and having all these mixed up feelings run through me, I thought about what was really happening.  It is just another speed bump in our path.  It is just another thing that satan is throwing at us to keep us from having our family.  When we talked to the social worker she said to continue with the adoption and then refile to get the foster care license after the bankruptcy.

I thought about the situation we are in and what we are trying to achieve.  We are trying to adopt 3-4 kids all at once.  If we were pregnant it would take 9months and we would have that time to prepare, get things for the home and not have to worry as much.  Yet we are wanting 3-4 kids all at once and in a short amount of time.  If we got the fostercare lisence we would have 3 months to get everything ready.  That's not very long even for just 1 kid.  The paperwork, the Homestudy, and many other things that will be required from the adoption agency is going to take at least 6 months.  The bankruptcy is going to take about 6 months.  So we will work on everything else and then refile again for the lisence. 

Even with this knowledge, it is still very hard to wait for the unknown.